Reasons to not quit blogging
In my original draft for the It’s okay to quit blogging post, I had a sentence that went like this: “You might lose readers along the way by going back and forth, but in the end, it’s your blog”.
I removed it before publishing. Not because it isn’t true, but because I wanted to focus on feeling okay without guilt.
But it is true, of course. Every time you delete your blog or mess up the content, you lose trust. You lose readers.
I should know, I’m an expert at messing up my blogs. I’ve changed domain names and jumped between platforms, and I’m sure readers have fallen off every time during this bumpy ride.
In hindsight, I can see and understand that I’ve both messed up and quit blogging for the wrong reasons. It’s never really been about what I’ve told myself. In the end, it has been a false notion that by “fixing” my blog one way or another, that would be the fix I needed to get my inner shit together.
I’ve touched on the subject of my GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) a couple of times. I got the diagnosis about five years ago, and I’m still on medication. There are still ups and downs, but far fewer than just a couple of years ago. It’s a whole new life, really. I’m forever grateful that I finally, after being a mental wreck for so many years, had the courage to seek help and get the treatment I so desperately needed.
Anyone living with excessive worry and anxiety has probably tried this kind of worthless self-medication: changing the outer in an attempt to solve the inner. Quitting your job, throwing away your possessions, quitting hobbies, deleting a blog, moving to another platform, changing your domain name…
I’ve tried them all. The result: good for a while. Then even more anxiety.
When I was at my lowest point ever, I was sooo close to letting go of my rental flat in Stockholm. These days, you’ll probably need to be on a waiting list for at least 30 years to get one in that area. I didn’t plan to trade it for another one. No, I had my own perfect master plan that would put an end to my misery: becoming homeless. It’s true. That’s how messed up my head was.
Okay, back to blogging. I’m not blaming my past bad blogging behavior on a diagnosis, but I do think it’s an important key. Nowadays, I’m more capable of seeing the urge for change for what it is. I’m far from a pro, but I’m slowly getting better at it.
Earlier today, I was emailing with another Bear blogger about the blogging mess I’ve left behind and now try to piece back together. I mentioned that I have a personal “blog manifesto” to keep myself from messing things up again.
I’m beginning to think that the reason I keep it private instead of public is fear of committing. Being afraid of officially promising something that I haven’t been able to stay true to in the past. Maybe that’s exactly why I should make it public.
To finish off, broken blogs and damaged trust aside, I feel better when I’m blogging than when I’m not. It’s the whole thing about it. The creativity, the personal insights, the community, the sense of making progress.
There’s something kind of magical about it, and it’s the number one reason to not quit blogging.
If you recognize yourself in the parts about excessive anxiety and still haven’t sought professional help, I really recommend you do. It can be a life changer.